MY BLOG HAS MOVED!!!

MY BLOG HAS MOVED TO MY WEBSITE!

ENJOY!

CLICK THE FUCK HERE!
blackdave.org

Peace.

…maybe your ex-girlfriend…?

This might sound like stand up or something, but white people seriously need to stop drinking alcohol. One of my favorite things they do is reaffirm their relationship with those around them. “I know you’re my wife, but I just wanted to say I love you”. Yo, fuck you. You think she doesn’t know that? I love when people come to me like, “For a black kid, you’re really smart.” I would like to inform those people of a few things:
1) I don’t drink and you sound fucking stupid.
B) Yes, I am really smart.
3) Fuck you.

I also love when white people act shocked that they’ve ran out of that shit. “How’d we run out of beer, I swear the 18 pack between the 8 of us should have lasted longer!” And to you, I want to tell you a few things:
1) There has been an uneven distro of alcohol and you need to fight someone.
2) You can’t count.
3) Fuck you.

It really all makes sense if you think about it.

Speaking of cents, how’s that new Yeezy record. If you’re not connected to the world, Yeezy is Kanye “white people wish they could hold me down” West. I’ll be reviewing his new record, titled ‘808s and Heartbreaks’ in my next update.

I have a friend who sounds many times more beautiful than you do while playing the acoustic guitar.
www.myspace.com/deborahhudsonmusic

If you’re stupid and can’t read, he name is Deborah Hudson.

Reason #238 Black People Can’t Get Ahead: White People

So, election day was the other day. I’m sure I’ll lose all remaining respect you had for me when I tell you this, but I didn’t vote. Why you ask? I forgot to fill out some absentee papers, but I mostly didn’t give a fuck. Even though I dont care, I heard that Obama won. I heard since he won, everyone’s letting him be black. BET is lovin’ that nigga. I know I’m tryin to peep a new Soulja Boy freestyle in the basement and instead BET wants to avoid talking about Obama’s white mom! Fuck that shit, I wanna hear about what color Bapestas that nigga has on. Pharrell should make Obama shoes. Or a shirt. Or it’s too late. What’s more is that FYE is STILL a strong McCain supporter. I was in there yesterday and they had life size John McCain cutouts and toys and shit, next to the imitation Bleach swords and a life size John Cena. Thanks FYE.
In January, when it’s official, black people are gonna start acting SO educated. I’m so stoked! Tea and crumpets with the Jenkins. More like tea and CRUNKets! Right Lil’ Jon? Yeah? Yeah? I hope it gets to the point where white people feel helpless. They’ll be like “well, the vice president’s white, so we’re good”. But Obama’s gonna get killed anyway,

Right white people? Yeah? Yeah?

Who isn’t stoked to be alive for the first “black” president and the assassination of a president? I’m hella stoked.

PS – Rap City’s last episode was last week. Yes, I know.

6 More Reasons Why EVA is the Best Band Ever

Hey.

Halloween was recently. I’m sure you’re all wondering what my soon to be girlfriend Sierra was dressed up as, right? Don’t act like you weren’t.

She was Amy Winehouse.

…and that is why EVA is probably the best band ever.

http://www.myspace.com/evah8

http://www.myspace.com/versaemerge

Indietronichristiacore

Hey. I’m gonna let you know now that I only have one planned thing that I’m gonna be talking about, and that everything else is opposite of that.

I was talking to one of my friends last night about genres in music and how bands define themselves and are usually completely wrong. I wouldn’t be surprised if I read a band description like:
We sound sort of like skyeatsairplane, but with a twist of Kirk Franklin. But also sorta not like skyeatsairplane. It’s like if Kirk Franklin was the vocalist of skyeatsairplane, but if they didn’t sound like skyeatsairplane, but if it wasn’t actually skyeatsairplane. Almost sort of like Band of Horses. We’re definitely electronic/gospel/indie. I mean, you can check our myspace for details.

Swagger Like Us ended up becoming a single, by the way.

So, I talked recently about how dudes with hot girlfriends look completely ridiculous, and to add on to that…dudes who aren’t just absolutely in love, but look like a faggot doing it. Nigga like picks up a Shakespeare book and is reading that shit while he looks into his girl’s eye’s reading that shit. So what you’re trying to tell me is that when you read her that book while looking into her eyes(which means he was making shit up because you can’t read AND look into someone’s eyes at the same time) is gonna get you that level 2 vagoo? That’s a lie.

I said vagoo. That’s right.

I love it when people have been too busy to hang out or do other miscellaneous things. When I ask someone to hang out and they tell me they’re busy, I tell then “I know you aren’t 24 hours busy today” and then I stop talking to them for a bit. A bit being like a week or two. What you’re telling me is that waking up 2 hours before class, going to class for 3 hours, coming home for 2 hours, working for 4 hours, and staying up for 6 more hours on your probably laptop is 24 hours busy? Fuck you. You know what I do? Wake up an hour before work, work for 4 hours, then sit on my ass and blog about niggas who think that the 9 hours they spent sitting around or “getting ready” is being busy. I think busy would entail something like getting chased by large dogs or joining the Olympics, or even a pie eating contest. Another awesome activity that would constitute you as busy is riding around town in your car and trying to look as awesome as you can…and for those of you who live downtown(location doesn’t matter…downtown anywhere), you ride your bike around like you’re trying to stay fit. That could constitute as busy, but only if you have on a helmet. I’m an advocate of….helmets.

Speaking of helmets, you think if you wore a Viking helmet while driving that you’d be safer from wrecks?

I want you to think on that.

Aumtmn? Yeah, the n is silent.

BLOG:

Hey. Let me start this by asking you a question.
Are you Ophiran?
Stop reading right now and check to see if you need to be:
http://www.myspace.com/weareophira
More on that later.

So today I was walking down the street today and I decided that I hate white people. “Why this time?”, you ask? Why y’all niggas gotta be riding your bikes in the street and things? I saw this person, woman…girl…whatever…riding her shit down the street, pissing me, and I’m sure a bunch of other niggas, off. So, at the time that I’m getting md about that…a black dude comes riding his bike down the sidewalk. DOWN THE GOD DAMN SIDEWALK! That’s my nigga f’sho.
And any black person I see riding their fixed gear bike down the street in spandex is automatically an Uncle Tom.

Speaking of bikes, here’s what urbandictionary.com had to say about R. Kelly.

R. Kelly v.

The process of pissing all over a girls face who is 14 years of age or younger for sexual arrousal and total domination… Similiar to a golden shower but with girls 14 years or younger.

The old man pulled an R Kelly on the 14 year olf girl.

You know what else I hate? When dudes think their girlfriend’s hot so they pull some “I’m gonna keep my arm around her” bullshit. Or that “I’m gonna kiss a bitch make sure you see” shit.
I bet a bitch won’t make you vegan cookies. Bet 5 on it.
What’s even worse is when dudes try to be all “alternative” about that shit in their Green Day shirts and 3 tattoos. Don’t think I dislike Green Day, and don’t think I have tattoos, because neither of those things are true, but you know the dudes…and don’t fuck with me on it!

Back to this Ophira concept. Basically, Ophira is the only thing musically that matters in South Carolina. Don’t pull some “What about Hootie and the Blowfish” shit on me, because I doubt the niggas reading this were comprehending what those niggas were doing. And they weren’t even good.
Anyway, change your last name to Ophira and make your life worth something.

Why do black people like Tyler-i thought of this movie while listening to LeAnn Rimes-Perry so much? Is it because our lives don’t ever end up how we want them? We being black people.

Anyway, don’t peep that new ISMFOF and do peep that new Dance Gavin Dance. Find a way to cop some Big L songs and I really need someone to tell me about that new Portishead CD.

State by State, We March On

Yo.

Lets start this off by saying that I’m listening to the ISMFOF album right now. I’ll get to that later on.

Vanna is on tour with Ligeia right now, and they played here in Charleston last night. I know you’re like, “Hey Black Dave, they were the shit in 2006, and then they decided to fall off of the face of the planet and you’re a faggot for even mentioning them”, but there’s this phrase I’ve been exercising a lot and goes something like “fuck off”. Anyway, they were real good and I figured I should mention it. If you ever see Vanna and they don’t play a song called ‘I Am The Wind, You Are The Feather’, tell them that you’ll fight them and then have the kid next to you tell them that he/she’ll blow them if they don’t play it. Preferrably a dude on the blowjob. Worked for us…it’ll work for you.

Apparently this blog has gotten over 3,000 views so far and I have by no means written 3,000 views worth of posts. If you like my shit let me know. If you hate it, let me know.
Speaking of hating my blog, about a week ago someone IM’ed me like “I would never let my child read your blog”. I didn’t know who it was, and I know I hate when people ask me who I am on aim(probably because my screename is ‘itsblackdave’), so I didn’t ask and politely responded with, “Then tell em not to.” “Tell who?” “Your son.” “I don’t have a child, it’s rude you would assume that.” Well, in rebuttal…fuck you.

I bet you guys have noticed that autumn is on the horizon. The only thing I’ve noticed is that a few months ago, the birds were red, and now they’re blue. That bothers the shit out of me. I know when Michael Jackson switched from black to white, mad niggas were bothered. But when blue birds replace the red ones, no one gives a fuck. I give a fuck! Someone call Obama or that old dude running for president and tell them to fix that in 2009. Well, don’t call Obama, I think he’s down with the color change. He’s all about that god damn change.

Speaking of change, follow me on Twitter:
http://www.twitter.com/blackdave

Let me tell you about this I Set My Friends On Fire album, titled “You Can’t Spell Slaughter Without Laughter”. Dearest Epitaph, you had to have known this was a bad idea and that there are a million better “cyber” bands out there. When you’re in the same scene as ISMFOF, you’re called “cyber(insert word)”. Cybergrind. Cybercore. Cybergore. Yes…gore is now an official genre. Ask my friends in 100deadrabbits. They’re nintendoGORE. Think about HORSE the Band, they call themselves Nintendocore, and make it gory. Funny the power of a g.
http://www.myspace.com/100deadrabbits

Speaking of G…the ISMFOF album was not that good. I’ve been to several websites and all of them agree that the album is worth about one half of a star. That’s 2 and a half points out of 25. The best song is “Things That Rhyme With Orange”, and the worst song is everything else. I’ll listen to “But the Nuns are Watching” and not want to fight Vincent, who will end my life if we engaged in such an event.

Who’s Vincent you ask?

Speaking of Vincents…Kat Dennings still hasn’t called me. Or that nigga Michael Cera.

I’ll be calling Sierra Emerge soon, to set up our wedding, of course.

If you don’t leave me a comment, you suck as bad as this ISMFOF album.

Truth or Dare, Hollywood?

Yesterday, I received a grand total of 16 views. How awesome are you 16 going to feel for being OG viewers of my blog when this shit blows up? It’s only inevitable that I say something profound and kids are all about seeing me rant about random things.

Speaking of inevatibility, I saw “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist” today. Let me tell give you a few insights:
1) I dare Michael Cera, the guy who plays Nick, to make a movie outside of being a sensitive musician dude. I fucking dare him. You know what would be sick? Die Hard 5 starring Michael Cera.
2) I further dare Michael Cera to be my best friend. Maybe one day he’ll google himself and see how many times he came up in this blog and want to call me.
C) I tried so hard the whole movie to make Kat Dennings, the girl who played Norah, ugly. At first I was like…”she’s not supposed to be that super hot girl”, but she was, and it broke my heart. So…
4) I have a dare for you, Kat Dennings. I’m a 21 year old black musician. Let’s go on a date. I’ll fly to LA or wherever you are. We can even make a fucking game show out of it.
“America’s Next Top Date Kat Dennings”. I’ll fight mad niggas. Fuck, I’ll even fight that dude Vincent who I’ll talk about later.
5) I dare any nigga to tell me that movie was bad. Any nigga!
6) I’d be sad if I missed Where’s Fluffy because I didn’t want to walk onto some random nigga’s roof. But I guess that’s the difference between NYC and…..Charleston. Roofs belong to the public.

Speaking of niggas, what are you going to be for Halloween? Please tell me it’s the sexy (insert job you’d never actually do). Sexy racecar driver? No helmet? You can’t wear a helmet and be sexy? Tell me safe ain’t sexy. I know the sexy cop doesn’t wear a bulletproof vest. I want a sexy robber to shoot a sexy cop and tell me how that ends up.

Speaking of robbers, please tell me you’re watching Heroes on NBC. Actually, don’t tell me. Just watch it. Comes on tomorrow night. You got mad catching up to do. Only about 38 episodes. They’re about 42 minutes a piece. Don’t hurt yourself though. I did it in about a week with the help of Rainbro.
LINK DROP! http://rainbro.wordpress.com/

And to conlude my post today, you’re gonna read this and go “1, 2, C, 4, 5, 6?”, and I’m going to hate you forever. I think I said some more important things than that.

THURSDAY SIGNS TO EPITAPH!

Here’s a release from Thursday:

To All Our Friends and Fans-
Today we are very pleased to announce that we have signed with Epitaph Records. We would like to take this opportunity to tell everyone why we are so excited about this partnership and how we believe it will affect our future.
Many of you already know that we have had many difficulties with our record labels in the past, both “Independents” and “Majors”, and have subsequently taken some time (a year and a half) to decide on a new situation. In this time, we’ve been meeting with labels from all over the country as well as discussing the possible alternatives to “signing” with a label. Some fascinating and intelligent people took the time to help us see what we were looking for (and some Record Execs inadvertently showed us what to avoid). From distribution deals, where we would be our own “label”, to digital releases with suggested donations, we tried to educate ourselves to all the new and exciting ways that people can get their music out.
One of our biggest concerns was that we find a situation where we could be free to just be Thursday. In the past we’ve been asked to be the poster boys for a movement that we didn’t wish to be a part of, pressured to write “The Big Single” and told to work on our “image.” As much as we’ve always tried to remain true to our vision for the band and our belief in the basic power of music, it has been a struggle to constantly deflect the suggestions and advice of the people surrounding us. In this way, our story is an all-too-common one in today’s music industry: We jumped in at the deep end and found ourselves trying to swim with the sharks; even when we were winning, we were losing ourselves. We feel very lucky to have outlasted these challenges and are grateful for the chance to finally do things our own way.
So why did we choose Epitaph? Of all the exciting and liberating options available to us, we found the idea of entering into a partnership with a label that we’ve always loved to be the most exciting idea. In this new era of music distribution we still see value in aligning ourselves with a company of dedicated and hard working people rather than trying to conduct all of the business ourselves. We want to keep our focus on music and touring. Epitaph have continually voiced their desire to help us become the band that WE have always wanted to be. It’s a great feeling to have a label encourage you to be more socially conscious and politically active. It’s a great feeling to have a label owner push you to explore the most experimental and challenging aspects of your band’s music instead of dissuading you. It’s a truly great feeling to be working with a label that all of our friends have had so many great experiences with. And it certainly doesn’t hurt to work with a label that has put out many of our favorite records and is run by someone who’s been in a touring band.
Brett G. was very clear that he wasn’t looking to create any hype about a “return to form” for Thursday and he has never asked us to revisit the style of song writing that we used on Full Collapse (still our biggest selling album to date) but that we should continue to write with the firm intent of making our best record, our true “dream record” and that was especially informative in our decision to sign. We love our early records but the reason we still write music together, every single day, after ten years is that we believe our best records are still unwritten. We are very inspired by Bad Religion’s post-Atlantic albums and look forward to our Epitaph years.
In short we’ve always believed that music has the power to change lives and that all of us who have been lucky enough to make music for a living have a responsibility to try and make the world a more compassionate and livable place in any small way that they can. We hope that with Epitaph’s help and guidance we can do our part.
Thanks for listening,
Tim, Tom, Geoff, Andrew, Tucker and Steve (Thursday)
Thursday’s Ten Favorite Epitaph Releases (in no order):
Refused “Shape of Punk to Come”
Hot Water Music “Caution”
The Bouncing Souls “Hopeless Romantic”
Bad Religion “Suffer”
Converge “No Heroes”
Tom Waits “Mule Variations”
NOFX “Punk In Drublic”
Rancid “Let’s Go!”
Atmosphere “Seven’s Travels”
Grinderman, “Grinderman”
Some Organizations That We Support (maybe you will too?):
Shirts For A Cure/SSE: www. shirtsforacure. com/
Human Rights Campaign: www. mencanstoprape. org/
Men Can Stop Rape: www. mencanstoprape. org/

 

And I’m sure y’all niggas are like, “I thought you only like electronic hardcore bands and rappers that aren’t Lil’ Wayne?”

I’m more hip than your mom when she had you, alright? Fuck off.

I wanna put a smiley face right there. Maybe a thumbs up. Definitely a thumbs up.

Peace bitches.

Fuck Off

Yo.

Not that you guys give a fuck or not, but I get around 20 views a day. If it’s the same niggas are checking everyday to see if I’ve updated, that sucks. Now I know some nigga is like, “20 views? That’s it?”, and I’m like “Fuck off”.

Speaking of fuck off, I Set My Friends on Fire’s CD came out recently. I haven’t been able to peep it yet. How is it? Anyone wanna give me some info. I’m not going to believe any professional review I read because as much as they’d want to think this is new and uncharted territory, I’ve been grinding with the same genre of music they make for years.
And I’m sure you’re like, “Well, if you have been doing this for years and they’ve been a band for less than one, then why are you signed or anything?”. My response goes something like “Fuck off”.

Speaking of fuck off, how bout that Sarah Palin? One time I heard that the VP helps with a lot of crucial decisions that the president makes. I’m certainly amped for those decisions. Speaking of amped for decisions…how bout that Obama? Niggas a liar. Can’t be trusted. McCain? Niggas can’t be trusted either.

Obama ain’t black.

I’m gonna be printing up some “Mickey Mouse in ‘08″ shirts.

Speaking of Mickey Mouse, the MySpace app for scenekicks, I mean…sidekicks…sucks. Fucking sucks.

Speaking of sucking…Lil’ Wayne.

Sierra Emerge, your song is written…we just gotta record it.